


Say Something

by platonicdagger



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Break Up, Closeted Character, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 07:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3521069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platonicdagger/pseuds/platonicdagger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The closet is an awfully lonely place once you realise the one you love isn't willing to wait around and deny it forever. </p><p>or</p><p>Dan can't do it and Phil is done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> This is the only fic i've ever written that I'm fully proud of, even though it made quite a few people cry. I don't own Dan and Phil but sign me up for that please. Find me on tumblr at sighphil

It had been a really long weekend, full of shouting loud enough to get complaints from the neighbours, and tears, lots of tears. They never normally fought, just silly little bickering over cereal or who gets to choose what to watch, but it had been different. Neither of them knew what had started it, but Dan swears to this day that it wasn’t his fault. So many things were brought up in the days of screaming, things that had been there all along that they never knew how to voice.

 

They had been sat quietly for hours, not speaking a word to each other through fear of another outburst, when he said it.

 

”Why are you ashamed of me?” the words just tumbled out and the second they did he didn’t know if he regretted it or if he was relieved, until he saw Dan’s face fall and suddenly he wanted to rip the words from the air.

 

”I’m not, you know I’m not,” he muttered with a deep breath, trying not to be angry, ”you know I’m not ready Phil, you said you were okay with that.”

 

With a frustrated groan, the man stood up, the younger boy rising to join him. ”I was okay with it! I was okay with it four years ago when you were young and naive and I just wanted to hold onto you but I don’t buy that excuse any more.”

 

”If you loved me you’d still be okay with it! I still love you, I still show that, who cares if it’s not in public?”

 

”I care! We have no reason to hide any more, we’d barely lose any fans, your parents are clearly supportive of gay relationships yet you refuse to tell them! You’re a twenty two year old man and you won’t even tell your family about your long term relationship with somebody they like and know makes you happy! So why?!”

 

The air was thick with tension and they both knew it wouldn’t end with angry sex and tired cuddles, like most of their arguments. Dan was glaring at his so-called boyfriend, ”You have no fucking right, this isn’t just your decision you know, we’re supposed to be equal and support each other.”

 

”And you really support me when I get no say in this, and you act like being with me would be the most ridiculous thing in the world and that hurts, Dan! You barely even act like I’m your best friend and I’m sick of the stupid ‘no homo Howell’ act you have going on.”

 

The younger boy sighed angrily, shaking his head, ”Phil we have sex almost every night and you seriously think I’m in denial? I don’t quite see how having your cock up my arse makes me an in the closet gay but whatever you say.”

 

”But you won’t-” he started, cheeks tinting pink at the words.  
”No, don’t even fucking go there again okay. I’m not telling everyone about us, it’s our business and nobody else’s! I don’t get why you can’t just be okay with your whole family and most of our friends already knowing, why are you trying to push me into telling over three million fucking people?”

 

Their voices had gradually raised quite a lot, and they were almost touching, angry and mostly hurt tears forming in their eyes. ”I’m sorry!” Phil screamed, letting a tear fall, ”I’m sorry that I just want to be able to call you mine. You don’t understand what it was like, when the Valentines video leaked, and you were so so angry at me, and it hurt,” he shuddered, hastily wiping another tear away. ”I had put so much into that video, and to watch you dismiss it all a few years later and for what?! So you could keep your reputation? Well I hope it was worth it.”

 

Dan almost melted, almost. Seeing the love of his life so upset hurt him a lot, but he couldn’t back down, not now. He spoke a little softer, but still bitter enough to remind them both that this was real, ”Maybe it was worth it, maybe you’ll just have to accept that this is it for us. I’ll never be the guy who holds your hand in a crowded restaurant or declares my love from the rooftops, and that should be enough for you; but clearly it isn’t.”

 

”You can’t expect me to settle for secrecy after all I’ve done for you. I know you stopped acknowledging it when you happily surpassed me in everything, but I got you here. I have always been here for you, playing cute sidekick to the gorgeous Danisnotonfire because I just had to accept that you were better than me now, and I still loved you and dealt with the ache I felt when one of your fans rejected a hug from me and had no idea who I was.” Phil let it all out, done with keeping it in.

 

The brown eyed boy blinked in shock, not expecting any of those words to come out of the other man’s mouth, even during an argument.. ”Phil! You know it’s not like that, I can’t force my subscribers to like you, and not all of my success is down to you.”

 

The scoff that came after that was bitter and angry, probably more than intended but neither of them had control over their emotions so it was open season for all the lingering resentment, ”We were supposed to be in this together, and I can’t even figure out when it stopped being us and started being you. You’re all that matters here, and I can’t do a thing about it. YOU won’t come out, after all this time. YOU want ME to compromise when that’s all I’ve been fucking doing for four years. I love you, so much more than I want to right now, but I can’t handle it any more. Louise, Bryony, Chris, PJ, they all look at us with confusion and pity because even they don’t get it, don’t get why we’re pretending.”

 

”W-what are you saying..?” the younger of the two asked, tears falling freely, more vulnerable than he ever wanted to be.

 

Phil moved closer to his boyfriend, carefully bringing his hand up to the other boy’s face and wiping a tear from his cheek before pressing his lips there for a lingering moment, ignoring the bitter salty taste, both crying. ”I love you, Bear, but I think maybe it’s time for us to stop pretending that we work. Maybe one day, we’ll work it out and it will all be okay, but right now this isn’t right, and it won’t work any longer. I will always love you the most.”

 

”No.. no! No you can’t d-do this,” he whimpered, choking back a sob, ”We were supposed to be forever, please..”

 

”Please don’t make this any harder.” he brushed his lips over his now ex-boyfriend’s, barely touching and barely able to hold back more tears. ”I am so so sorry” were the last words Dan heard before the door quietly shut and he was left alone with just his cries and the mocking memories of their once happy relationship to keep him company.


End file.
